by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness

The Root of Fear: Why Other Men Intimidate You

If you’ve ever walked into a room and immediately felt ‘small’ (emotionally and maybe physically) in the presence of other men – whether due to their confidence, success, or physical dominance – you’re not the only one.

Many men silently battle this fear, but few ever confront it because they think it’s just ‘normal’ or just they way that they’re wired and there’s nothing that can be done about it.

If this applies to you, then what you need to know is that this fear isn’t real in the way you think it is – it’s a distortion created by shame, self-judgement, and an unresolved relationship with power (usually, because you have some kind of unresolved ‘Daddy’ Issues).

At heart, your fear of other men isn’t really about them – it’s about your own self-perception. You fear being seen as weak, incapable, or unworthy because you’ve lost touch with your own masculine core and so you’re projecting this out onto the men around you. This fear keeps you trapped in avoidance, submissiveness, or overcompensation and so you never show up in a real way (because you’re not being REAL with yourself first).

The only way to overcome this is to cultivate REALNESS.

That’s what this article is about:

To overcome your fear of other men, you need to free yourself from yourself

The Illusion of Intimidation: Most Men Are Just as Insecure as You

The first step to overcoming fear is understanding that most of the men who intimidate you are usually projecting their own insecurities. The extra macho guy who walks around acting like he owns the room? He’s usually covering up deep-seated self-doubt by self-inflating. The aggressive, overly dominant guy (who secretly cries when he watches romantic movies)? He’s afraid of being exposed as weak. The ultra-cool, aloof guy who acts like he doesn’t care? He’s terrified of rejection and so he just rejects people before the reject him (by keeping his ‘cool’ wall up so nobody gets a real shot).

When you realise that other men are just as fragile as you – even if they hide it better – the fear starts to dissolve. You’re not ‘less‘ than them – you’re just carrying your fear differently and you can flip the script any time you feel like it.

The Key to Confidence: Self-Respect Over Validation

Most men who struggle with social fear and anxiety are looking for external validation instead of being rooted in their realness – they want other men to affirm their worth because they don’t know how to do it themselves. This is just a losing game because it puts your confidence in the hands of others and ‘others’ are always changing and out of your control.

A more REAL strategy is to work on cultivating self-respect:

When you get to the place where you genuinely respect yourself, you stop looking for permission from other men to feel worthy and just do your ‘thing’ instead (because you have the wherewithal to stay present).

This doesn’t mean arrogance – it just means standing in your truth without needing approval.

To start living with this kind of self-respect you need to know yourself and how you operate in the world:

Do you live in alignment with your values?
Do you stand up for what you believe in, even when it’s uncomfortable?
Do you respect my own boundaries and time?
Do you lead yourself in life or do you only follow?

Self-respect eliminates the need for all the social posturing and allows you to stop fearing other men because you don’t ‘need’ anything from them and so can just be real instead.

Presence and Power: Regulating Your Nervous System

If your body is constantly in fight-or-flight, you’ll never feel grounded around other men:

Many guys stay stuck in hypervigilance (overreacting and trying to prove themselves) or freeze mode (shrinking and avoiding eye contact) because their nervous system is out of balance. Neither is real power because it means you’re acting on autopilot and not in control of yourself.

Real presence comes from nervous system regulation:

When your body is calm, your energy shifts and you can actually stay present in the situations you find yourself in. You radiate confidence without effort.

Here’s how to develop this:

Breathe deeply – Shallow breathing keeps you anxious; deep breathing signals safety.
Get strong – Strength training gives you a visceral sense of power and ability to feel grounded.
Slow down – Rushing and fidgeting show nervousness – own your space instead.
Eye contact – Not in a creepy way, but in a way that shows you’re present and unshaken.

When you regulate your nervous system, you stop feeling small – you become the guy that other men instinctively respect because they can sense that you’re at ‘home’ in yourself and are way less likely to be shaken.

The Truth About Hierarchy: Dominance, Submission, and Holding Your Own

Men instinctively sort themselves into hierarchies…this isn’t a bad thing – it’s just nature.

The problems start when you misunderstand hierarchy and either collapse into submission or try too hard to dominate (both of which are unreal and usually prompted by shame instead of presence).

Real confidence, on the other hand, isn’t about winning these imaginary competitions – it’s about holding your own.

If you’re trying to prove yourself all the time, you’re not really confident because you don’t really believe in yourself.
If you avoid all confrontation, you’re also not confident because you lack healthy boundaries and don’t stand up for what you believe in.
If you can hold your ground without needing to dominate or appease – that’s confidence because you found something REAL.

Your goal isn’t to be the ‘alpha’ or the ‘beta’ – it’s to be rooted in yourself in a real way so that other men’s energy doesn’t shake you.

Why Avoiding Confrontation Keeps You Weak and Makes You Fear Other Men

Most guys fear confrontation because they associate it with aggression or rejection but real confrontation isn’t about fighting – it’s about honest engagement and not being shy to speak the truth (or find it out even if that involves some kind of debate).

Avoiding confrontation makes you passive:

It teaches you to shrink and keep shrinking and to prioritise keeping the ‘peace’ – though it’s not actual peace but real peace involves the truth – over being real. The more you do this, the more you train yourself to feel weak.

Instead, get comfortable with tension and accept that it’s just emotional discomfort, not physical danger. When you can sit in uncomfortable moments without flinching or shrinking, you develop the unshakable presence that belongs to your realness anyway.

Practical Solutions to Conquer Your Fear

Now that you understand the root of your fear, here’s how to break free:

1. Get Physically Strong

Your body and mind are connected and what’s good for the body is good for the mind (your mind-body is one system). If you feel weak physically, you’ll feel weak socially. Lift weights. Get lean. Do yoga or something that will make you supple and flexible. Train your body to move with power and control. It changes everything (including your mind because getting to this point takes effort and the capacity to push through your comfort zone).

2. Master Your Nervous System and Watch Your Fear of Other Men Dissolve

Breathwork: Slow, deep breaths train your body to stay calm and activate your parasympathetic nervous system).
Cold exposure: Builds resilience and reduces anxiety.
Posture: Stand tall – shoulders back, chest open, relaxed stance (this signals to your body that you’re feeling good and present).

3. Develop Assertiveness

Speak your mind without fear of disapproval (and don’t be ‘worried’ if you offend people – just don’t offend them on purpose…sometimes the truth is ‘offensive’).
Set boundaries without guilt (just say “No” to anything unreal).
Hold eye contact without intimidation or avoidance (without being a creep).

4. Challenge Yourself Socially

Talk to strangers.
Speak up in uncomfortable situations.
Get used to minor confrontations – don’t avoid them.

5. Pursue a Bigger Purpose and Overcome Your Fear of Other Men

Nothing makes fear shrink faster than focusing on something bigger than yourself and having a real VISION for your life. When you have a vision, the opinions of other men become irrelevant.

Check out my free 7-day course with dedicated workbook to start figuring out yours and acting on it: The 7-Day Personality Transplant System Shock for Realness and Life Purpose.

Final Thoughts: Be the Man You Respect

Overcoming your fear of other men isn’t about becoming aggressive or dominant – it’s about becoming whole and learning to be REAL.

When you stop looking for permission and start living in alignment with truth, you gain real power. Not power over others, but power over yourself – everything else stems from that as it’s the strongest foundation you can have.

The world doesn’t need more men chasing status or approval. It needs men who are real.

Stay real out there,

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