by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
To calm your mind you need to deal with the FUNDAMENTAL PROBLEM, not just the symptoms – ONE REAL THING can help you do this.
Let’s face it: the Buddhists were probably right when they said “Life is suffering” – there’s always something that we’ve either just ‘got over’, that we’re still going through, or that’s on the way to test us and see how real we are.
Even if things are ‘good’ then there’s probably something round the corner because the nature of life – as fragmented creatures on a fragmented planet – is that things have to go ‘wrong’. We’re not omniscient or omnipotent and so things will eventually go against the grain of how we think they ‘should’ – it’s just the way it is.
When we accept that life is like this instead of fighting it, then it a strange kind of way it becomes ‘easier’, because we don’t add extra levels of resistance or frustration as we sink into a kind of “woe is me” attitude when things do unfold in ways we’d rather they didn’t.
In short, life is amazing and beautiful and strange, but it’s also a challenge sometimes – the sweet and the sour are just ‘part’ of it. It’s ALL part of the experience of being a ‘human’.
At the end of the day, we’ve all experienced the frustration of feeling pulled in multiple directions, trying to juggle conflicting priorities, or wrestling with a restless mind that refuses to settle in the context of all this to-and-fro between the ups-and-downs.
At the heart of this chaos often lies a deeper issue: duality and fragmentation:
The inner turmoil we experience is often a result of being split – torn between different parts of ourselves, between what we think we ‘should’ do and what we truly want, between the illusions we’ve bought into and the truth we instinctively know…between our ego and our REALNESS.
Here’s the good news, though: there is a way out of the maze and it’s probably more ‘simple’ than you might expect:
You just need to focus on one REAL thing.
Duality: The Source of Inner Chaos
Before we get into the practical steps, let’s unpack the problem a bit more:
Duality is the sense of division within us – a constant tug-of-war between opposing forces; it could be the inner critic battling the dreamer, the pull of comfort against the push of ambition, or the voice of love clashing with F.E.A.R (“false evidence appearing real”).
All of this is rooted in the dualistic illusion of JUDGEMENT – looking at and labelling things in terms of opposites, like ‘good’ and ‘bad’, ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, or ‘black’ and ‘white’ – the idea that our INTERPRETATIONS of reality are the real deal.
This duality creates fragmentation and is often just a projection of an inner fragmentation within ourselves (because of shame that creates the Shadow Dance between the Ego and the Shadow Self):
Instead of feeling whole (our natural, real state), we feel scattered and restless, like pieces of a puzzle that don’t quite fit together. This fragmentation stems from shame, insecurities, and the stories we tell ourselves about who we are versus who we’re supposed to be – over time, these internal divisions cause us to feel disconnected – not just from ourselves, but also from others, the world, and reality itself in TRUTH.
The result of all this is a restless, wandering mind and a pervasive sense of dissatisfaction. This is just the VOID of being disconnected from the truth about oneself and ACCEPTING oneself and life unconditionally. When this void shows up in our lives, it brings all kinds of symptoms that we don’t want to deal with but start to identify with and think are just ‘normal’ or who we just happen to be: depression, anxiety, a dysregulated nervous system and all of the health issues it brings, etc. etc. etc.
We might go to the doctors or even get therapy to try and deal with this void but all that tends to happen is they give us some medication or a conversation with us about our problems (the symptoms, again, instead of the fundamental problem and what to DO about it) instead of helping us to see that what we need to do is to overcome this INNER SPLIT and the void that’s opened up by duality so that we can grow REAL again.
We can start do this by finding ONE REAL THING that will start moving us back in the right (real) direction: towards WHOLENESS instead of fragmentation.
Wholeness: The Antidote
The antidote to fragmentation is wholeness and the simplest way to cultivate wholeness is to focus wholly on something real.
When I say ‘REAL’, I mean something that is grounded in truth, love, or purpose – something aligned with your deepest values and the natural drive that is within all of us that strives towards connection instead of separation.
This is not about chasing after ego-driven desires – so you can try to fill that void that can never be filled (you can only become it – see the article I wrote about this) – but about connecting to what genuinely matters: something that takes you deeper into wholeness and allows you to help others eventually do the same.
For example, this “real thing” might be:
- Creating a vision of the life you want to build.
- Commiting to a meaningful goal that aligns with your values.
- Developing a sense of devotion to a higher power or truth.
- Working on a daily practice like yoga, meditation, or art that brings you into the present moment and gets you out of your head and into your real life.
The keyword here is really “devotion“:
In the moment, give your whole self to this one real thing and – by focusing on it completely – you override the scattered energy of a fragmented mind and anchor yourself in something unshakable: the here-and-now of your actual life.

Why It Works
This approach works because it transforms your relationship with your own mind:
When your focus is divided, your mind is like a chaotic room with a hundred people shouting at once but – when you devote yourself to one real thing – it’s like asking everyone else to leave the room; the noise dies down, clarity emerges, and you regain a sense of control and flow.
In spiritual traditions, this is sometimes called ‘single-pointed focus’ or ‘dharana’ (from the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali) – it’s the practice of concentrating fully on one thing to transcend distractions and connect to a deeper sense of flow.
Neuroscience backs this up, too: when you focus intensely on something, your brain shifts into a state of flow, where time seems to disappear and you operate at your best. Literally, it changes your brainwave state and the whole way that you interact with yourself and everything around you (you can go into the Alpha wave state or even the Theta wave state if you really get some deep focus going).
In other words, focusing on one real thing is not just calming – it’s transformative and can help you transcend your own fragmentation and taste the whole again.
How to Find Your “One Real Thing”
Now, you might be wondering: What should I focus on?
The answer is personal, but here are some guiding principles to keep in mind:
- It Must Be REAL
Your One REAL Thing (ORT) cannot be a fleeting desire or a fantasy born of ego and the need to try and escape from life and your own unresolved emotional ‘stuff’ – it has to come from a place of TRUTH and take you to an even deeper state of truth (as you learn about yourself, the world, and reality). Ask yourself simple questions to get started: Does this align with my values? Does it bring me closer to wholeness? - It Must Be Meaningful to You
Whether it’s your family, a creative project, a spiritual practice, or a goal you’re passionate about, it should resonate deeply. If it doesn’t matter to you, it won’t hold your attention, and you won’t honour it or be able to COMMIT – not committing just increases the odds of you getting DISTRACTED by all of the unreal things in the world caused by duality and that disturb the mind in the first place. - It Must Be Grounded in the Present
The power of focusing on one real thing comes from being fully alive and REAL in the moment. If your mind is in the past or the future, you’re still fragmented. Choose something that roots you in the now and that gets you in your body more than in your head.
Practical Steps to Build Focus and Flow
If you’re ready to calm your mind and transcend that pesky duality and fragmentation then these practical steps can help you focus on your one real thing:
1. Start Your Day with Intention
Before your day gets busy, take five minutes to reflect: What is the most important, real thing I want to focus on today? Write it down. This simple act of setting an intention can re-centre you and give you clarity for the day ahead. Make sure you choose just ONE thing that is the realest focus of your day and then get it done. Keep your FOCUS locked in.
2. Use Your Body to Anchor Your Mind
When your mind feels fragmented, your body can act as a grounding force. Try breathwork (I always recommend 4-7-8 breathing: inhale for 4-seconds, retain for 7-seconds, and exhale for 8-seconds (and repeat), yoga, or simply going for a walk in nature. Physical movement helps quiet mental noise and brings you into the present moment, making it easier to focus on your real thing instead of old patterns and fragmentary ways of being, feeling, and doing things.
3. Practise Single-Tasking
Multitasking is the enemy of focus – choose one task or goal and give it your undivided attention. If your mind wanders, gently bring it back to the task at hand. This trains your brain to stay centred. If you struggle with this initially then use a Pomodoro timer to focus for a dedicated block of time then take a short break to do whatever (I use pomofocus.io sometimes and it’s really good).
4. Develop a Daily Devotional Practice
‘Devotion’ doesn’t have to be religious – it can be as simple as spending 10 minutes a day journaling about what matters most to you, meditating on a vision, or working on a creative project. The key is to approach it with sincerity and commitment and to really RESPECT what you’re doing by knowing your reasons for doing it (to grow more REAL).
5. Let Go of Perfectionism
Focusing on one real thing doesn’t mean you have to get it perfect – it’s about the act of showing up, again and again, with your whole self. Progress, not perfection, is what builds wholeness. This is really worth knowing because it allows you to remain outcome-independent and to not have to outsource your self-worth and self-acceptance to end results (such ‘outsourcing’ is always caused by duality and fragmentation). Instead, you can just stay in the process and keep flowing and growing REAL.
6. Reflect on Your Progress
At the end of each day, ask yourself: Did I stay focused on my one real thing? What did I learn? What can I do better tomorrow? This keeps you accountable and helps you refine your ability to stay in that real place from one day to the next.

Closing Thoughts
The world we live in often feels chaotic and overwhelming, but that’s largely because we’ve allowed duality and fragmentation to dictate how we operate.
The good news is that we can break free – by focusing wholly on ONE REAL THING, we can calm our minds, transcend inner conflict, and step into a state of flow where everything feels aligned.
This practice isn’t just about calming your mind – it’s about growing REAL and moving towards wholeness as a default state of being. It’s about reminding yourself that you don’t have to live in pieces and filter everything through a fragmented ego.
Take a deep breath, choose one real thing to focus on today, and DEVOTE yourself to it completely – the noise will fade, clarity will return, and the fragmented pieces of your life will start to give you hints of the bigger picture.
Stay real out there,
