ego - Page 4

Waves Don’t Die – They Return to The Whole.

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The waves comes and go but the ocean LIVES forever.

If you can understand that then you can understand what it means to ride those REALITY WAVES:

You know you SHARE an inherent connection to the WHOLE and that you can RIDE OUT anything that keeps you from it.

On the level of our human experience as FRAGMENTED CREATURES in FRAGMENTED BODIES the surface-level waves of our lives will change day-after-day until eventually the wave crashes or fades and so we become ONE again.

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again:

WHAT IS REAL ABOUT YOU IS ALWAYS REAL.

It can never be destroyed.

It can never be added to or changed.

Whatever that REALNESS is – and however it shows up – it is found in the same deepest, darkest ocean of WHOLENESS that connects us all and anything else that has ever uttered the IMMORTAL words of “I am”.

When you’re RIDING the reality waves they’ll take you where you ASK them to take you and to show you what you need to be seen so you can GROW REAL again.

Beware, though, there are certain things that stop you RIDING and try to make you swim against the current:

-Your EGO (surprise, surprise) and its LIES or ILLUSIONS that tell you the waves are something you should RESIST instead of helping you see that they’re an EXPRESSION of who you are based on how much WHOLENESS you’ll let in right now.

-The ILLUSION OF STASIS that tell you that you don’t need to MOVE and so you can take yourself out of the TRUTH about yourself and all LIFE.

-The belief that the SURFACE is the WHOLE and that time, space, and cause-and-effect are the limits of who you are when they’re just the RULES according to which the WAVES MOVE whereas whatever it is that you ‘ARE’ lies in the PEACE down in the depths where it’s all CONNECTED.

Waves may come and waves may go but as you learn to surf them in the direction of you highest VISION then whatever is real about you will REMAIN because what is real is WHOLE and infinitely complete.

Whatever waves you’re riding right now are just showing you what you already are – if you learn to listen by learning to ride then you’ll learn there’s nothing to fear.

What is real about you is ALWAYS real.

 

Help yourself grow real – check out my coaching page.

 

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A Shout-out to All the Fake Friends, Haters, and Doubters for Making Us More Real than We Ever Imagined.

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The World isn’t reality but it can be used to TEST how REAL you are.

You might think that you’ve found something real or whole in yourself and that you’re ROOTED in a solid connection to the truth but every day something is gonna put your REALNESS to the test and see you’re fooling yourself or not.

The bottom line is that in an UNREAL world, the more real you become the more you’ll be tested – especially by UNREAL people.

Some will come with their best intentions and an ABUNDANCE mindset – in other words, they know that’s what’s good for one of us is good for us all and they’ll want you to GROW REAL and go even more deeply into yourself and your real potential.

These people are the REAL ONES too – real recognises real and so they’ll CALL YOU OUT on your own BS with love because they want you to maximise your potential and your capacity to be OPEN to life and all it has to offer.

When the real ones call you out or question you it’s precisely because they want you to GROW and because they can already envisage your next level if you just get out of your head and into the TRUTH about yourself.

We all NEED people like this in our lives – IRON SHARPENS IRON and TOUGH LOVE with good intentions can help you be more real.

Thankfully, there’s another kind of feedback we can get from the world which comes from UNREAL people – instead of wanting you to GROW, these people want to HOLD YOU BACK (because of their own EGO stuff, scarcity mindsets, and doubts about themselves PROJECTED OUT at you):

FAKE FRIENDS

-Say they want you to do well and smile on the surface of their lies but, secretly, they’re just keeping you close because they don’t believe in themselves but see something in you that they think will HELP them.

Really, they want you to FAIL, so they can keep believing their own BS and not have to TRY.

HATERS – hate themselves first and foremost and see in you what they’ve HIDDEN from themselves (in the SHADOW TERRITORY) and wish they could FREE.

DOUBTERS – Have never tried anything real because they never BELIEVED in themselves so they don’t think you should either.

THANKS and GRATITUDE to them all for showing us how to be real and keeping us in the zone.

 

Let me coach you if you wanna start pushing through and growing real.

 

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Don’t Waste Your Energy Trying to Look Like Something When You Could Become It.

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A reminder for those at the back:

The three most valuable things you have are your time, your energy, and your attention.

That’s because you’re going to be DEAD one day and so with every breath you take you’re getting closer to having none of those things left at all.

A general rule about life is what you CHOOSE to give these things to grows and so – if you wanna live your REAL life – you need to be conscious of where you direct these things.

Unfortunately (or not, actually), growing REAL often requires that we do some WORK.

We have to go through the process of raising AWARENESS about ourselves, the world, and reality and this means having to face some potentially uncomfortable truths.

That means that we eventually have to work to ACCEPT some things about life that we might not like so that we can take the necessary ACTIONS to deal with them.

Awareness -> Acceptance -> Action works every time (literally) but because it requires a FOCUSED control of our time, energy, and attention – which takes EFFORT – not everybody is down for it (which is fine – it’s your life so whatever).

The funny thing is, though, so many people who can’t be arsed doing the INNER WORK required to do WHATEVER they want with their lives waste just as much energy on UPHOLDING THE ILLUSION that they’re doing it:

-People who want to BE rich will instead waste energy trying to LOOK LIKE they’re rich (and wasting more getting in debt to do it).

-People who want to BE [cool/confident/courageous/etc] will waste energy trying to LOOK LIKE they are instead of actually working to push through their EDGE or whatever.

-People who want to BE successful will waste energy trying to LOOK LIKE they are by overinflating and overhyping themselves instead of actually doing the work and getting the RESULTS.

-People who want to BE in control try to LOOK LIKE they’re in control.

Etc.

Do you get the point?

All that energy people spend PRETENDING to be something could actually be invested in BECOMING whatever that actually is and their lives would be a lot happier and free of frustration.

The cure (as always) is to STOP JUDGING, ACCEPT where you are, then do the WORK to change it and BECOME REAL.

If you wanna grow real then get in touch with me about coaching.

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Your World is Just Your Old Thoughts and Beliefs Made Manifest Whilst You Try and Think of Something Better.

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Your world today is a REFLECTION of the ‘Old’ You.

When we’re being UNREAL, we get so caught up in thinking that the world we PERCEIVE ourselves to live in is the concrete TRUTH about life but it isn’t for a number of reasons:

-First of all – as we say on here a billion times a week – the WORLD IS NOT REALITY.

It’s just a set of ideas and concepts and the more closely these ideas and concepts ‘point’ to reality (though none can ever TOUCH it), the more truth you let into your world and the more REAL your life will feel.

-Secondly, then, your world today is just a REFLECTION of how much you managed to accept yourself or not yesterday.

If you did manage to accept yourself then the ideas and concepts you use to make sense of life will reflect that and by extension your world will reflect that too.

If, on the other hand, your thoughts and beliefs have become a PRISON where you’re constantly JUDGING yourself or others then you’ll be locked inside yourself and the world will become OPPRESSIVE and RESTRICTIVE as an extension of that.

As we said the other day, there is a LAG in time between the day that you decide to UPGRADE your software (i.e. your EGO) and the day that reality will shift around you or catch up with the new or REAL way of thinking and believing once you’ve realised that you’re holding yourself back from life.

In short, when it comes to ‘The World’ what you RECEIVE is what you allow yourself to PERCEIVE.

“Allow yourself” is the key phrase because your perceptions of yourself, the world, and reality are ultimately up to you and the CHOICES you make when it comes to doing the inner work and accepting yourself or not.

The world you woke up in today is a reflection of how much you believed in YOURSELF yesterday.

If you’re ‘stuck’ in a situation that feels UNREAL then it’s because you have HYPNOTISED yourself with your conditioning and put yourself in a mind prison that extends as far as you can see in waking life.

Penetrate the DREAM and become LUCID by realising that you can CHANGE just about whatever you want.

First you have to see yourself and BELIEVE.

Then you have to have TRUST whilst reality catches up around you and the lag fades out.

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“I Don’t Like It/ It’s Not Nice / It Hurts Therefore It’s Not True” – Your Ego

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“The truth will set you free (but first it will piss you off or make you miserable).”
–Personal Revolutions: ASCIR

We’re all walking around trying to live our lives with a REALITY DISTORTION device in our heads.

More than just distorting our reality, this device wraps itself around our SOULS like a parasitic vine and makes us think that we ARE whatever it shows us.

It’s kinda screwed up.

For many of us, we decided to start using this device and buying into what it shows us because we’ve become convinced that the thing we want the most is the thing we most need to avoid.

What is this magical ‘thing’ that we all crave?

It’s called the TRUTH and it’s with you any time you’re ready to quit the act and get REAL.

The problem is that most people have ‘stuff’ from the past that has sent them into HIDING.

When we feel the need to HIDE – because of our shame, guilt, and/or trauma or because of the BLIND TRINITY of fear, pride, and UNCHECKED desire – then we start to think that the COMFORT ZONE we’ve built to keep hiding within and DISTORTING reality from behind is the limits of ourselves and the world.

We’re not to ‘blame’ for finding ourselves in this state – more often than not, we keep ourselves imprisoned within that comfort zone because we have forgotten how to TRUST and BELIEVE in ourselves because something happened somewhere along the line that made us FORGET the truth about ourselves.

The problem is that everything we really want comes from breaking free of the cage and learning to STRETCH ourselves.

Only if we stretch can we allow the TRUTH back in and start growing REAL again.

Of course, when you’re stuck in your own prison like this the ‘guard’ that keeps you there is the one you CREATED for yourself: the EGO.

To stop any new TRUTH coming into your life it will help you LIE to yourself to keep your illusions in place:

“I don’t like it…so it can’t be true”

“It’s not ‘nice’…so it can’t be true”

“It hurts…so it can’t be true”

The TRUTH can never hurt you, though, because it’s everything you ever wanted and really are.

The thing that HURTS is holding onto illusions that the light of reality is showing you to be DISTORTIONS.

Ride it out.

 

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Trust and Belief Go Further than Hope.

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‘Hope’ can sometimes be a dirty word.

If you reach the stage when all you can do is start ‘hoping’ something is gonna happen then it’s already too late (probably).

In many ways ‘hope’ is EGO for two reasons:

1. It’s a completely PASSIVE state of being and puts all of the POWER to change your life outside of yourself by making you believe in the illusion of stasis (where in REALITY and nature things are ALWAYS changing).

2. You normally end up putting your ‘hope’ in things that are powerless in the face of the TRUTH anyway – other people who want to ‘sell’ you hope, UNICORNS in the form of IDOLS that you project all your powerlessness onto, or just pure BS that helps you keep believing what you need to believe to not GROW REAL.

When you reach the stage where ‘hope’ is your best option then you’ve already become unreal and that unreality has led you to become FRUSTRATED.

People ALWAYS need hope as a way of alleviating this FRUSTRATION (which is why there are so many BS artist marketeers and gurus here online trying to sell you hope instead of helping you find solutions to your problems – solutions that can only come from YOU).

When you decide that all you have left is ‘Hope’ then it just means that you’ve decided to give up on the only two REAL options in life:

1. DO something about what can be changed.

2. Accept what can’t be changed and learn from it.

There is almost ALWAYS something we can do.

If you decide to either ACT or ACCEPT then hope becomes redundant – you don’t NEED it because you’re no longer frustrated because you’re either building real MOMENTUM and unblocking yourself.

When you get in the REAL ROOTED MODE, you also understand that ‘hope’ is just the ego’s attempt to FORCE its own meaning onto the world and to act like it understands everything about reality.

When you give up HOPE, you step out of your unreal thoughts about life and realise that it’s about TRUST and BELIEF in yourself and TRUTH.

With ‘hope’ your forcing in the face of uncertainty; with trust and belief, you’re RIDING THROUGH IT on those REALITY WAVES.

With hope, you’re AVOIDING the question completely.

 

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Your World Today is a Reflection of How the ‘Old’ You Used to Think.

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What you put into your life is what you get out of it.

You put something REAL in, guess what comes out?

Yeah, something real.

You put something UNREAL in?

You can probably figure it out.

The ‘problem’ (though it’s really more just a ‘reality’) is that the universe operates according to a law of CAUSE and EFFECT and it takes TIME for these effects to accumulate and give you the results that you want.

What this means is that you could spend your whole life being UNREAL and then decide to WAKE UP one day but it wouldn’t change anything unless you were real CONSISTENTLY over time.

Everything in your life is the accumulation of some PROCESS.

If the process you were involved in for the DESIGN of your life came from a place where you were being unreal with yourself (not your ‘fault’ – probably because of your conditioning and/or unresolved shame/guilt/trauma) then the world you live in today will be UNREAL too.

This is because – due to everything being a PROCESS – there’s actually a LAG.

What this means in practical terms is that your life and WORLD today is just the accumulation of all the choices that the ‘Old’ version of you made yesterday or a few months ago or even years back.

I see this all the time with my coaching clients:

For whatever reason, they were conditioned NOT to be real with themselves (i.e. live according to their REAL values and intentions) and so today the world they’re living in doesn’t ‘fit’ who they truly are deep down.

The solution in this case is to start UPDATING THE SOFTWARE.

Instead of having an unreal personality that was built as an unreal response to something unreal, I have to help people UNLEARN all of that ‘stuff’ and start acting and making CHOICES in a way that is more AUTHENTIC.

Often, this means letting go of the BELIEFS and IDEAS that make them feel like they’re ‘unworthy’ or whatever else they have going on.

When you DIG DEEPER and remove those kinds of beliefs you can start the PROCESS of upgrading the software so that there’s less CONFLICT.

When you do that, things start MOVING again almost immediately, momentum is built, blocks are removed and you just know that TOMORROW is gonna be even better.

 

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Your Emotions are Asking You to Either Accept Something You Don’t or to Enjoy Something You Do.

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The final lesson is always ACCEPTANCE.

Everything else you learn and go through is just putting you somewhere on the spectrum between learning that final truth or getting caught up in JUDGEMENT and holding yourself back from life.

Everything we do is either teaching us how to be more OPEN and to go deeper into life or it’s causing us to put up our defenses and to RESIST (so that we can keep the EGO in place and avoid having to face the SHADOW TERRITORY blah blah – see my book Shadow Life).

The EMOTIONAL LANDSCAPE of your life – in general – is a reflection of your CAPACITY and WILLINGNESS to ACCEPT reality.

If you accept, then you feel ‘good’ because you’re open and there are no/less barriers between you and where life wants to take you.

If you resist, then you fell ‘bad’ because you’re closed and you place illusory barriers (ego ‘stuff’) between you and life and it will forever slip between your fingers.

It’s so easy to attribute a lot of mental health problems to physical or chemical causes but – in A LOT of cases – the ‘mental health crisis’ is just a SYMPTOM of being in an UNREAL world that is constantly trying to distract people and make them forget about what it means to be a living, breathing human being.

Depression, anxiety, restlessness, and a lot of other things are just symptoms of the FUNDAMENTAL problem which is that people are scared to be REAL, have been conditioned not to ACCEPT themselves, the world, and reality and so don’t LISTEN to what their emotions are asking them to ACCEPT.

Instead of LEARNING the lesson, they’re just given pills to pop or ‘talking therapies’ that make them go over and RE-IDENTIFY with the same stories and narratives that made them miserable in the first place.

Negative emotions that LINGER mean that you’re AVOIDING a lesson.

In general:

Depression – means that you have LOST TOUCH with your purpose and stopped MOVING so you feel trapped.

Anxiety – means that you’re putting an unreal version of yourself out into the world and getting FRICTION as feedback.

Shame, Guilt, and Trauma – mean you let the world stop you BELIEVING in yourself.

Etc.

If you don’t learn to ACCEPT reality you’ll always be UNREAL.

 

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Your Shadow is All of the Things, ‘Positive’ and ‘Negative’, that You’ve Denied About Yourself and Hidden Beneath the Surface of the Mask You Forgot that You’re Wearing.

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Your Shadow Life is the real life that emerges when you face the whole of yourself without judgement.⠀
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Ever since Day One, you’ve been conditioned to be a version of yourself that has been deemed ‘acceptable’ by the world:⠀
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-Maybe you got rewarded with applause and attention for being a “good boy” and helping Mummy carry the shopping or some other ‘useful’ thing.⠀
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-Maybe you got rewarded with applause and attention for being a “good girl” and fluttering your eyelids and looking pretty.⠀
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-Maybe it was singing and dancing like a lunatic that did it. ⠀
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-Maybe it was being passive and “well-behaved”.⠀
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-Maybe it was getting good grades or being polite or just saying the right thing all the time.⠀
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Whatever it is, the world has conditioned you at the level of your BEING:⠀
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“Be this.”⠀
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“Don’t be that.”⠀
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“You SHOULD be this”.⠀
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“You SHOULDN’T be that”.⠀
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On and on it goes…an endless onslaught of bewildering and bewitching BULLSHIT that sends you hurtling into an unreal version of yourself that ends up building an unreal life for who you really are.⠀
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The truth is that hardly any of us escape childhood truly ALIVE because we’ve all had this nonsense pumped into our psyches for as long as we can remember: with enough repetition we don’t just end up being HYPNOTISED by the world but we end up hypnotising ourselves to boot.⠀
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We listen to the “Be this, be that” message so much that we send vital parts of ourselves into hiding by banishing them to the Shadow Territory.⠀
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This wouldn’t be so tragic if it was just the ‘bad’ sides of ourselves that got sent down there (though even the ‘bad’ is real at some level because what is real is whole and the whole is good, bad, and beyond).⠀
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Unfortunately, we end up sending our ‘good’ qualities down there too:⠀
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-Our joy and spontaneity.⠀
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-Our creativity.⠀
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-Our ability to love without thinking.⠀
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-Our capacity for INTIMACY.⠀
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-Our true sex drive and passion.⠀
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-Our compassion for others.⠀
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-Our ability to live with curiosity.⠀
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-Our lack of unreal fear.⠀
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-Etc. Etc. Etc.⠀
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The world doesn’t want you to be real because then you’ll be a threat to an unreal world.⠀
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Face yourself anyway.

 

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Your Relationship isn’t a Substitute for the Parents You Never Had.

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Your partner – or future partner – isn’t a substitute for your mummy and daddy.

It’s natural for our experience of ‘love’ to have been formulated in childhood by whatever our parents decided to pass down to us but ma and pa(ternal) love isn’t the same as romantic love.

Your partner is there to accept you at wherever you’re at and to grow REAL with you as they also grow into themselves and through whatever ‘stuff’ they have.

They don’t exist to be a substitute for mummy and daddy and to fix all of our childhood wounds or to fill whatever void you might have picked up (though they can definitely support you as you work to heal yourself in the container of the relationship as a whole).

As a human being, there are two general kinds of parents you can grow up under the ‘guidance’ of:

-Good Ones: Who will do their bests to love you UNCONDITIONALLY without letting their own ‘stuff’ get in the way of your growth.

-Bad Ones: Who will love you CONDITIONALLY because their own ‘stuff’ gets in the way and they want to mould you according to expectations formed because of their own unresolved and trapped emotions.

Of course, it’s not that black and white but it always ends up falling on some point along that basic continuum.

In both cases, healthy ADULT relationships don’t and CAN’T follow the patterns that you picked up in childhood:

In the case of unconditional love:

-Your partner can of course love you unconditionally but it won’t be the same as the love you got from your mother…

They probably won’t idolise you all the time, they might not wanna do your laundry and cook for you, or think that you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread 24/7 (the closest you can get to that – bar the laundry and cooking – is to get a DOG).

In the case of the conditional stuff:

-Most adult relationships have some conditions: you normally have to have at least some of your shit together, you probably shouldn’t cheat, if you’re an ASSHOLE you can get dumped etc.

As an adult though you don’t have to accept conditions you don’t like, though. You have the power to WALK AWAY.

In short, adult love is about stepping away from ROLES and being both FREE and SECURE at the same time.

 

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