realness - Page 3

The World isn’t Against You as Much as Your Attitude is.

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The main barrier to getting what you WANT is…

‘You’.

Well, more specifically, it’s your attitude.

That doesn’t mean that we need to be NEUROTIC and take UNLIMITED RESPONSIBILITY for everything that happens to us (sometimes “?” really does just happen).

It does mean, though, that we ACCEPT that 90% (approx. figure) of the stuff that goes on in our life is either:

1. Something we can change.

2. Something we can walk away from.

3. Something we can learn to live with.

If you can understand that then you can ensure that your attitude towards life is a REAL one that will give you the kind of RESULTS you want from life.

It’s pretty simple, really:

You think in a REAL way then you get something REAL.

You think in an UNREAL way then you get something UNREAL.

The problem is that sometimes it’s ‘EASIER’ (in scare quotes because it only seems easier as a short-term thing) to keep on BS’ing ourselves and to try and come up with all kinds of different EXCUSES why the world is against us and we can’t HAVE whatever it is that we want for ourselves and our lives.

Like we’ve said before, this is a form of RESISTANCE because the ego wants you to believe change is IMPOSSIBLE so you don’t try and grow through it (normally because of FEAR as the ego evolved to protect you in the short-term based on whatever you’ve already been through).

This attitudinal resistance looks like this:

-Constantly LOOKING for evidence that the world is against you instead of why it wants to support you.

-Looking for solutions anywhere except within yourself.

-Constantly looking for new problems to worry about before the current one is even solved.

-Avoiding taking any responsibility for your CHOICES and decisions and the consequences they’ve led to.

-Not acting like the person you want to BE, but the person you fear you ARE.

-Only trying to have faith in yourself whilst at the same time not believing in yourself (so trying to force everything through ego which is UNREAL).

-Etc.

All of these ways of thinking and anything similar are just an extension of your RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF.

You need to flip the script and be open to yourself to allow the world to open to you too.

 

My coaching can help you sort your attitude out and grow real.

 

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Stop Underestimating Yourself and Overestimating Others.

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Comparisons are odious (that’s how the old saying goes, anyway).

If you compare your behind-the-scenes footage of your own ‘stuff’ to somebody else’s highlight reel then you’re gonna have a BAD time.

In fact, you might not even have a ‘bad’ time because you probably won’t even get started – you’ll just kinda be…stuck.

A lot of you never get going because you’re too busy COMPARING your own perceived weaknesses to the strengths of other people.

Or you COMPARE the results that somebody else has got after years and years of working away at it with wherever you happen to be right now.

You compare superficialities like how good looking somebody is or how charming or how well they can speak or whatever else…

NONE OF THAT STUFF MATTERS, THOUGH.

That’s just your ego trying to keep you where you are so you don’t STRETCH yourself and start growing REAL again.

The TRUTH is that to get stuff ‘DONE’ you only need to follow a simple two-step process:

1. BELIEVE it can be done.

2. Do the WORK to get it done.

Yeah, there’s a few more things that take place somewhere in between – like TRUSTING and BELIEVING and allowing what needs to happen to happen as you take each step – but that’s the gist of it.

The main difference between ‘You’ and whoever you might be comparing yourself to is that they’re NOT comparing themselves to anybody.

The TRUTH is that you can’t compare anyway – we’re all on our own paths, we all have our own cocktail of strengths and weaknesses, we all have our own crosses to bear.

Comparisons are just a form of RESISTANCE – like we said, it’s your EGO’s way of trying to find reasons not to get started because if you do then the odds are you’ll succeed and so your ego will get a software update (which it can’t stand as that means learning and integrating our ‘stuff’ along the way).

Gain some PERSPECTIVE and see things CLEARLY.

If other people have found a way to do it, then there’s no reason why you can’t too – the only EXCUSES are the one’s you tell yourself when you’re trying to believe that other people are ‘special’ and you’re not.

If you do the work you’ll get there; if you don’t, you won’t.

Know your VALUE and share it.

Let me coach you and I can help you get where you know you can be.

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Life Rewards You Based On Your Attitude Towards It.

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Life is for the LIVING.

If you want REAL life to give you everything it has to offer then you need to get your mind right and that starts with your ATTITUDE.

People say that “life is unfair” but that’s not quite true….

Life is the great equaliser because it’s available to all of us if we do the work required to ALIGN ourselves with it and do what is ASKED of us.

It begins to seem “unfair” when we resist the CALL of life and answer the call of ‘The World’ instead .

As we’ve said a million times, though:

“THE WORLD IS NOT REALITY” – it’ just a bunch of ideas and assumptions based on our fears about LIFE.

Real life is FAIR because it’s available to everybody – all you have to do is shake yourself out of your slumber and to start BELIEVING in reality and not the world or any of its BS.

When you make the ‘shift’ like this you can start to have an attitude towards life that is creative and LIFE-ENHANCING, not destructive and LIFE-DISMISSING.

A LIFE-ENHANCING attitude DEEPENS your relationship with life:

-You believe in possibility.

-You KNOW that things will always work out.

-You are open to allowing yourself to HAVE the things that life has to offer.

-You believe in yourself as PART of life and that makes you more WHOLE.

-You believe in ACTION and flux because you know that life moves.

-You don’t complain, make excuses, or fail to appreciate the gifts like has already given you.

A LIFE-DISMISSING attitude takes you out of life:

-You only believe in more problems, not possibility.

-You look for reasons why life will let you down again.

-You come up with reasons why there’s something special about ‘You’ that means you can’t HAVE what millions before you have had.

-You think that life is something separate from whatever it is that ‘You’ are.

-You don’t take ACTION because you resist changing yourself (even though you’re unhappy with yourself as you’ve denied LIFE).

-You actively look for new things to complain about or make excuses for so that you can get sympathy and play the victim (because you confuse attention for love).

In short, if you act like LIFE, you get more life; if you deny life, then life denies you.

Life only rewards ITSELF.

 

Let me coach you so you can change your own life.

 

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Action Kills Fear. Bullshit Makes it Worse.

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The more time you spend away from reality, the greater your FEAR of returning to it.

The TRUTH is that you know deep down when you’re being UNREAL – even if you hide behind layers of masks and BS.

The REAL you is ALWAYS calling to you beneath the surface of yourself and will show up in all kinds of CREATIVE and DESTRUCTIVE ways to get your attention and bring you back home:

-Maybe it’ll call you through the whispered sympony of your own restlessness.

-Maybe it’ll PROJECT the parts of yourself you’re trying to disown out into the world around you so you have to EMBRACE them anyway.

-Maybe it’ll DERAIL or sabotage your goals and relationships because it KNOWS that you got into them for UNREAL reasons and it wants to show you something TRUE.

One thing for sure is that you’re ALWAYS involved in the process of RETURNING BACK TO WHOLENESS whether you know it or not – the problem is that you BLOCK it by resisting life but you can only resist for so long and you can’t hide behind anything REAL (read that again).

When you’re trying to resist the return back to the TRUTH about yourself then you get involved in all kinds of CONTROL FREAKERY, HOLDING BACK, and HESITATIONS.

All of these patterns are just your EGO’s attempt to try and keep the REAL YOU at bay so it can keep tricking itself into thinking it exists.

When you get CAUGHT up in this state, then your overall state becomes a FEARFUL one.

It’s fearful because everything about it is rooted in BS:

-The BS that you carry about yourself and keep hypnotising yourself with.

-The BS that you carry about the world that stops you showing up in it.

-The BS that you carry about reality that stops you moving and pushing through.

This FEAR is about taking the first steps and returning back home because you have become DEPENDENT on all of the illusions that stop you going there.

The more you resist, the worse it gets, until eventually that REAL SELF will EXPLODE from beneath the surface.

To KILL the FEAR, you need to start RESISTING YOUR RESITANCE and taking ACTION – only then will you see that there is nothing to fear.

Once you’re home, you’re WHOLE, and everything else is just gravy.

 

Let me coach you and help you take actions that will change the game for you.

 

 

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Excuses are a Short-Term Solution to a Long-Term Problem: Unreality.

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The REAL ONES don’t need excuses.

An excuse is really just a reality deflection device that we use when:

1) We don’t want to accept some sort of feedback from life and GROW through it.

2) We don’t want to accept some truth or RESPONSIBILITY about ourselves and face its consequences.

The thing about excuses is that people who make them are only FOOLING THEMSELVES.

In the short-term, it stops them from having to face the unresolved SHAME that the situation they’re making excuses about is triggering.

In the long-term, it only perpetuates and DEEPENS the hold that this shame has over them.

If you can’t remember, it goes like this:

1. Shame sends people into hiding because they get TRICKED into believing there’s something inherently ‘wrong’ with them.

2. They hide behind the mask of the ego and send certain ‘unacceptable’ parts of themselves down into the SHADOW TERRITORY.

3. When something happens that exposes the GAP between the unreality (ego) and the reality (the truth and the ‘hidden’ parts down in the shadow territory) then things get WEIRD.

Excuses are what happens when somebody is DESPERATE to avoid the truth about themselves and to defend all of the UNREAL ideas that stpp them accepting who they truly are.

The TRUTH is that in reality you don’t NEED excuses because when you’re being REAL you only have acceptance.

Why’s that important?

Because excuses are just the ego’s (futile) attempt to use unreality to defend unreality.

In other words, excuses are completely redundant – an attempt to uphold illusions with illusions to avoid short-term discomfort of EMBRACING and then DISSOLVING the shame that makes us want to hide in the first place.

Any time you find yourself or somebody caught up in an endless parade of:

“Yeah, but…”

“If only…”

“Cudda, wudda, shudda…”

Etc.

Then you can bet your bottom dollar it’s a form of RESISTANCE (to reality).

The REAL ONES don’t need excuses – they either ACCEPT the choices they made, EMBRACE the truth, or they OWN the screw up and take the lessons on board.

Step beyond JUDGEMENT (which is powerless without shame) and accept the truth:

WHAT’S REAL IS ALWAYS REAL.

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A Lot of Miserable People Are Just Looking for Love Instead of Giving It.

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Everybody wants to be ‘seen’.

That’s just the way human beings are – they need to feel that they ‘belong’ and that the world understands them at some REAL level so that all of the pain and the BS of being born is WORTH IT.

What a lot of people don’t get, though, is that the easiest way to be ‘seen’ is to SHOW OTHERS that you SEE them…

When you can do that it shows that you can peek from behind all of the UNREAL ‘stuff’ or masks that most people are hiding behind and that you can take a place in the world that’s ROOTED in something REAL.

When people become lost and feel like they haven’t been ‘seen’ for a long time then they can start to lose their minds:

-They become bitter and malevolent, frustrated that the world is neglecting them.

-They start screaming out and acting out for ATTENTION because they think it’s the same as the love they feel is lacking.

-They put their walls up and turn their ego into a fortress to protect them from anything that goes against how they want to ‘see’ themselves.

-They start unnecessary DRAMA for the sake of pulling people into a vortex that might give them at least a glimpse of something real (buut rarely ever does because drama is always unreal).

The TRUTH is that any attempts to demand that the world ‘see’ you without opening your eyes and attempting to see it first are FUTILE.

“We don’t see the world as it is but as we ARE”

If you’re looking to be ‘seen’ without first seeing yourself then you’ll always be BLIND and the world will be filled with darkness.

To be REAL, you have to COMMIT to the TRUTH that what is WHOLE in one of us is whole in ALL of us because everything is connected and we share more similarities than differences.

If you want the world to ‘see’ you then you need to DEVOTE yourself to seeing what’s REAL about it – even when things get hard or when the world of ideas and fragmentation starts to SHAKE you from yourself.

Love and ACCEPTANCE are the same thing… Just because you don’t ‘see’ it or feel ‘seen’ doesn’t mean it’s not there.

The truth is the truth and is ALWAYS true.

Sometimes, you’ve just blocked yourself from seeing it but all you need to do is to open your eyes and GIVE it.

Work with me for four months and reach your goals.

 

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When You Can Handle Your Own Disappointment and the Disapproval of Others You Can Do Anything.

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The quality of your life is about how REAL you let it be.

How real you let your life be is about how BLOCKED or UNBLOCKED you let yourself be based on your ASSUMPTIONS about yourself, the world, and reality itself.

The interesting thing is that – besides the physcial laws of this ‘ere planet we’ve found ourselves on – 99% of ‘blocks’ we perceive are ILLUSORY and ‘exist’ in our hearts and minds alone.

The blocks in our HEARTS exist because we’ve allowed ourselves to be DRIVEN by our unresolved emotional ‘stuff’ (shame, guilt, trauma, etc.) and instead of resolving it by FEELING it and allowing it to teach us what we need to learn to push through the next level of our IDENTITY we just kinda…FREEZE.

The blocks in our MIND exist BECAUSE of this unresolved ‘stuff’ – when we don’t want to face certain TRUTHS about who we are and what we’ve been through, we deem certain feelings and ideas as ‘UNACCEPTABLE’ and then shove them deep down in the SHADOWS of ourselves by keeping ourselves in a CONCEPTUAL MENTAL MATRIX that is designed to stop us facing certain TRUTHS (so we can hide the SHADOW and keep our EGO where it is).

Part of the CURE for this sickness is to start removing ourselves from the JUDGEMENT that locks us into this matrix by understanding how these BLOCKS are kept in place with our INTERNAL and EXTERNAL relationships to ourselves and the world

Internally – we start to FEAR our disappointment. Normally, in the form of ‘failure’, comparison to other imaginary spectres, or UNREAL standards and ‘shoulds’ that we created because of our shadow stuff.

Externally – we start to fear the DISAPPROVAL of others based on what we have JUDGED to be ‘unacceptable’ about us and shoved down into the SHADOWS (projection).

In genral, these two things – our own disappoinment in ourselves and the disapproval of others – BLOCK us from taking action and growing REAL in the world.

The way we deal with this is to COMMIT to UNCONDITIONAL SELF-ACCEPTANCE which means that we embrace who we are and keep LEARNING no matter what.

This is the way to stay REAL because if you accept yourself NO MATTER WHAT then nothing can shake you from internally or externally.

ARISE REAL ONE.

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Refuse to Feel ‘Guilty’ for Growin Real.

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The only people who don’t want you to grow real are people that are UNREAL.

This is because being REAL is about unblocking ourselves from the matrix of our own BS – such as self-limiting beliefs, unreal expectations of ourselves and others, emotionally-distored perspectives, attachments to opinions blah blah – so that we can simply MOVE and grow through our own edge and go deeper into a relationship with the TRUTH.

Unreal people have FRAGMENTED and divided themselves within themselves and so they have attached to all this BS and even gone so far as to think that they ARE the BS.

When they see somebody doing the INNER WORK to flip the script and put their WHOLENESS out into the world – instead of allowing the world to suppress them and to EXTINGUISH the torch of the human spirit – a couple of things happen:

1. They start to lash out because the REAL QUALITIES that are being expressed in the REAL ONE trigger their ‘Shadow Stuff‘ and all of the real qualities they’re trying to hide from themselves for the sake of their EGOs start calling to them from beneath the surface of themselves.

2. They will try and TEST the REAL ONE to see if they’re as real as they seem to think they are… This is weird when it first starts happening but it’s a good sign as it means the unreal have seen your realness and can’t quite believe it.

These ‘tests’ will be about trying to SHAKE you in some way – just believe in your REALNESS and refuse to waver (there’s nothing to ‘worry’ about anyway as all they can give you is UNREALITY).

3. They will try and make you feel GUILTY and to force you into certain ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving in the world (based on ROLES they want you to play so they can keep their unreality’s hold over them).

Here, they will tell you what you ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ think/feel/do based – usually – on how it’s making them ‘feel’ (normally because they’re playing the VICTIM and trying to make you and them believe that somebody else is responsible for their emotional ‘stuff’).

You need to remember that all of this is just the WORLD trying to suck you back into its unreality.

Guilt is a useless emotion but reality is FOREVER.

Be unshakeable.

I can help you reach your goals and grow real.

 

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Reality is Never an Obstacle to Your Happiness; You Are.

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People screw up their lives because they think that ‘reality’ is an obstacle to whatver they want.

The TRUTH is that reality is never ever an obstacle, barrier, or blockage because to get what you WANT – which is always peace of mind or ACCEPTANCE in some form or another – you always always always need REALITY to get it.

A lot of people think that being ‘realistic’ is DEPRESSING because it means facing all of the uncomfortable and BRUTAL truths about life – for example:

-We’re all gonna be dead one day

-Things don’t always work out

-‘Bad’ things happen to ‘good’ people etc.

That’s because there’s a difference between being ‘realistic’ and being REAL:

Being ‘realistic’ means observing the inevitabilities in life and accepting them as the end of the line.

Being REAL means observing the inevitabilities in life and accepting them as a SPRINGBOARD into new beginnings and the next version of whoever it is that you ARE.

In other words, when we get caught up in being ‘realistic’ we see the obstacles and limits of reality as BARRIERS to our growth; when we’re being REAL we see them as VESSELS for our growth.

Being ‘realistic’ is about treating your INTERPRETATIONS of life as the limits of your life… Being REAL is about understanding that all of these limits are just a tool for sharpening the sword of your TRUTH upon so you can go more deeply into life.

If you treat reality as being an OBSTACLE then that’s all you’ll ever get.

What you need to do is make a shift into ACCEPTING reality (and yourself) no matter what so that you can keep leaning in, keep pushing through, and keep growing REAL.

If you do that then one of two things will happen whenever you come up against an ‘obstacle’:

1. You’ll either find a way to CHANGE the situation by taking ACTION of some kind.

2. You’ll realise that you’re facing something taht actually can’t be changed and so you will become more ACCEPTING.

In both cases you will GROW MORE REAL (i.e. whole).

Reality is never a barrier to your ‘happiness’ – it’s always the FOUNDATION on which your happiness can be built.

The only actual obstacle to happiness is the RELATIONSHIP you have with yourself and your RESISTANCE to truth.

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If Your ‘Confidence’ is Based On Feeling Superior It Can Always be Taken Away

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There’s a difference between REAL and unreal confidence.

REAL is about KNOWING you’re unshakeable because you’ve found a way to be ROOTED in yourself and reality and devoted yourself to some TRUTH about life that’s ‘higher’ than just your limited ideas about ‘You’.

When you’re rooted to the WHOLE in that way you understand who you are and what life is (and the connection between you and live itself) and nothing can ever take that away. Never.

It can’t be taken because it’s not DEPENDENT on anything – it’s just about acknowledging what’s already there, riding those REALITY WAVES, and trusting and believing (trust that life has your best interests at heart and belief in yourself and your ability to handle whatever happens).

This kind of real confidence, then, essentially comes from doing the INNER WORK, and cultivating UNCONDITIONAL SELF-ACCEPTANCE (see my book Shadow Life which is about this).

“Unconditional Self-Acceptance” just means that you accept yourself NO MATTER WHAT and that you commit to working with and growing through whatever life flings your way.

When you take the opposite path – i.e. the EGO PATH – then your confidence isn’t based on unconditional self-acceptance but CONDITIONAL SELF-ACCEPTANCE.

Whereas Unconditional Self-Acceptance comes from the INSIDE, Conditional Self-Acceptance comes from the outside.

Conditional Self-Acceptance (aka ‘Self-Esteem’) means that you’re feelings about yourself are DEPENDENT on the image you carry of yourself in the WORLD (even though the world isn’t real).

For most people, this shows up as feelings of ‘SUPERIORITY’ – for example, being able to see ourselves as being ‘better’ than other people in our group or surroundings because of some completely (usually) superficial and arbitrary quality or thing:

-Being the most handsome/beautiful/attractive

-Having more money/followers/likes

-Being the funniest/toughest/purest/whateverest

-Etc.

There’s nothing wrong with HEALTHY COMPETITION (Iron sharpens iron) but if you’re confidence only comes from external stuff it can NEVER last because CONDITIONS always change – somebody will always be more ‘superior’ eventually.

Step inside and stand on something REAL.

My coaching packages can help you find your real confidence.

 

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