Understanding Your Own ‘Weirdness’ and What To Do About It

There’s a unique kind of pain that comes with hearing, sensing, or straight-up being told that other people think you’re weird:

For some, it might just be an occasional, offhand remark but for others out there, it becomes a lifelong echo that haunts them all their days – in classrooms, at work, in social circles, or even within families.

It might not be overt bullying, but the persistent suggestion that you don’t quite ‘fit’ can lodge itself deep in the psyche and start to make you question yourself and your life.

In many ways, the word “weird” has become a cultural shorthand for “other” and when that label is applied – especially repeatedly – it can trigger profound internal conflict and go against some of our deepest human needs and instincts.

You may start to question yourself:

“What the hell is wrong with me?”

“Why don’t I belong?“

But what if being called “weird” isn’t a problem at all and you’re just looking at things through a distorted lens?

What if “people think I’m weird” type thoughts are actually an invitation or even a signal that shows you that you’re on the cusp of something real?

Let’s explore what it really means when people think you’re weird by looking at it through the lens of the REALNESS philosophy.

By the time you’re done reading, you’ll understand what’s going on, what it means, and how to stop yourself from shrinking yourself just to fit into the cardboard box of ‘normal’.

Let’s dig a little deeper:

The Shame Trigger: When ‘Weird’ Meets the Shadow

Being labelled as weird often awakens underlying, unresolved emotional ‘stuff’ like shame – not just a fleeting embarrassment, but a deeper, stickier sense that there is something inherently ‘wrong’ with who you are.

This happens because shame often drives us and our actions without us knowing – normally because there’s an inner split between who we think we need to be (the ego) and the real version of ourselves that gets sent into exile so that the illusion of the ego can be upheld.

This hidden REAL version of who we are is the Shadow Self – the ‘parts’ of you that were told, somewhere along the line, either directly or indirectly that you send them into hiding if you want to be accepted. That shadow might contain your creativity, your humour, your sensitivity, or your intensity and when someone calls you weird, it hits that buried shame like a tuning fork (because you feel that you can never be accepted).

Here’s the truth that will start to set you free of being worried that “people think I’m weird”:

You can only be ashamed of something if you’ve already rejected it yourself.

If the comment “you’re weird” makes you flinch, it’s because part of you flinched first – the judgement is just a mirror of what’s going on inside you and a sign that you need to let go of your current identity (ego), integrate the shadow ‘parts’ hidden behind it, and start taking real action.

This is why the first step isn’t about attempting to change how people see you – it’s about reclaiming what you’ve hidden.

Two Types of Weirdness: Neurotic and Real

Not all weirdness is the same. In fact, there are two fundamentally different types and confusing them can cause real problems.

Before we go deeper, you need to understand what these two types are:

1. Neurotic Weirdness

The first type is neurotic weirdness and it’s the kind of weird that disconnects you from reality.

It’s essentially a distortion caused by unresolved emotional pain, trauma, or a dysfunctional relationship with your own thoughts and body.

In this state, weirdness becomes a mask – a way of compensating for fear, shame, or social disconnection and because other people can always tell when we’re being unreal and wearing a mask it makes us come across as inauthentic and ‘weird’.

People caught up in neurotic weirdness like this might experience some of the following symptoms:

• Overthinking and spiralling into self-obsession (which makes people think they’re weird because all they do is talk about themselves).
  
• Judge others harshly for not matching their worldview (because they need everybody to conform with the worldview of their mask so they can keep hiding).
  
• Use quirkiness as a shield or superiority complex (to self-inflate and compensate for feelings of shame but also to reject themselves before others reject them).
  
• Cling to weirdness as an identity because they don’t trust they’re enough without it (and so they identify with the symptoms of their emotional problems instead of learning to regulate and heal themselves in a real way).

This kind of weirdness isolates:

It makes connection difficult because it operates from fear – fear of rejection, fear of being ordinary, and a fear of reality itself.

2. Authentic Weirdness

This is the kind of weird that connects you to life because you’re being REAL and facing the truth about yourself, the world, and reality:

It’s the beautiful, sometimes scruffy, sometimes inconvenient truth of who you really are – RAW and REAL:

It comes from not having let the world beat the uniqueness out of you and not closing your heart and giving up just because you lost touch with yourself.

This kind of weirdness is really just a by-product of being REAL and it can show up in many different ways.

Here are some examples:

• Unusual hobbies or tastes (with genuine passion and interest, not just as a pretentious way of making the mask look more interesting).
  
• A quirky sense of humour (because humour is really about recognising the TRUTH).
  
• Deep values that don’t match societal norms (because when you’re being real you’re not a product of the world and its temporary values and norms but something more lasting and timelessly human).
  
• The refusal to “play the game” if it compromises your integrity (because you know who you are and what you stand for – which makes you look ‘weird’ in a world fuelled by moral relativism).

This is the ‘weirdness’ of artists, visionaries, mavericks, and misfits… people who march to the beat of their own drum – not because they want to be different so their ego can feel good, but because they refuse to be unreal.

This is the weirdness that leads to growth, meaning, connection – and, sometimes, even greatness.

Why Being Thought of as Weird Hurts So Much

When someone thinks you’re weird – especially if they say it – you feel it.

But the real sting isn’t from the external judgement – it’s from the internal dissonance and the feeling that you’re caught between two needs: the need to be real and the need to be accepted.

This creates a kind of inner tension that can be resolved by understanding what’s best for you in the long-term versus what will bring a short-term release.

It essentially goes like this:

In a world that rewards conformity, choosing realness will often come at the cost of temporary acceptance but the price of abandoning your realness is lifelong regret.

So, really, it comes down to this:

Are you going to give up your ‘weirdness’ so that you can fit in temporarily or are you going to OWN IT and turn up the volume so you can live a life without regret?

If you abandon you’re realness, it will always catch up with you in the end.

“People Think I’m Weird” Means that You Judged Yourself First

To be perfectly honest with you:

If being called ‘weird’ upsets you, then you’ve already made that judgement of yourself.

If you didn’t believe that it was true at at least some small level then it wouldn’t bother you at all – in fact, it can only bother or upset you if you suspect it might be true in some way.

This goes the other way too because people’s perceptions are projections (to paraphrase Carl Jung):

If they mock or misunderstand you – labelling you as ‘weird’ – then they’re often reflecting their own discomfort with authenticity…especially if they have hidden parts of themselves buried in the Shadow Territory so that they can ‘fit’ in with the status quo.

But if you’ve done the same thing – if you’ve judged yourself for being different – their reaction confirms what you secretly fear: that you don’t belong.

This is why ownership is key and the only way out:

You need to choose to see your so-called ‘weirdness’ not as a flaw, but as a signal of realness that needs to be built upon, not hidden.

Finding Your People: Weirdness Is About Connection, Not Performance

The unreal, neurotic version of weirdness performs and wears the mask in order to belong – desperate for connection, but always on edge at the thought of being ‘found out’. This just breeds a kind of social desperation which comes across as neediness and, ironically, pushes others away.

In contrast, the real version of weirdness doesn’t need to perform or do a song-and-dance to get attention (often confused for love) – it just is.

The bottom-line is that friendship and connection don’t come from being liked by everyone – they come from sharing values and purpose. Real friends don’t just accept your weirdness – they recognise their own in it and encourage you to grow even deeper into it.

If your weirdness is rooted in something real, it will act like a homing beacon for others who are living real too – this is why there’s no point hiding it (you might need to let a few of the unreal people in your life fall by the wayside though and remember the sacred mantra: “Gimme something real or GTFO“).

What About Situations Where You Need to ‘Tone It Down’?

Of course, there are moments in life when expressing the full extent of your weirdness might not be appropriate:

Job interviews. Courtrooms. Dinner with your partner’s parents. Etc.

But there’s a massive difference here between toning down and disowning:

Basically, having social intelligence isn’t a betrayal of yourself – it’s a skill that allows you to adapt without self-abandonment.

You can stay true to who you are while modulating how you show up. That’s not selling out. That’s being savvy based on the RESULTS you wanna get from life.

Being Left Out Isn’t a Sign That You’re Losing

If you feel left out, it’s not necessarily because something’s ‘wrong’ with you – it might just be that you’re ahead of the game (not always, though, so be honest with yourself when reflecting on this).

Most people will do anything to be accepted – even if it means slicing off real parts of themselves and shoving them down into the Shadow Territory to fit in.

When you don’t do that – and hold onto the realness that makes you ‘weird’ in comparison – you remind them of what they gave up and that’s uncomfortable (because it reminds them that they’re being unreal with themselves).

What you need to remember is that you can’t lose anything real which means that if people reject you for being real, they were never truly with you in the first place.

Nothing of value was lost.

The feeling of loss is often just the ego reacting to a story of scarcity because it lost perspective and forgot the truth about things (which is what the ego always does because it’s unreal).

What is the ‘truth’ in this situation, I hear you ask?

It’s the fact that there are endless opportunities to meet, connect, and create with people who see and value you in a real way.

But to encounter these opportunities you have to be brave enough to show up as yourself first and foremost.

Being Weird Isn’t the Problem. Being Unreal Is.

‘Normal’ doesn’t really exist – it’s just a collection of social habits and agreements passed off as ‘truth’ (when really it’s just a bunch of interpretations of the truth that have been limited by the collective Shadow of a group or society).

Trying to be normal will kill your spirit and will make you anxious, resentful, and bitter – you’ll probably ‘survive’ but you’ll wonder why life feels hollow, even when it seems fine on the surface (the answer is because you’re living in the Void, not in reality).

The only other option is to start tapping into your realness – even if that makes you look ‘weird’ sometimes. You’ll feel more alive but that often does seem ‘weird’ – especially to those who are still playing it safe.

In short: If people think you’re weird, let them.

What matters is whether your weirdness is real or just a defence mechanism.

One will set you free. The other will keep you stuck.

Only you know what path you’re on.

Practical Steps: From “People Think I’m Weird” to Realness

Here’s how to get started on the journey from neurotic weirdness to the authentic power of your realness:

1. Start with Ownership

Acknowledge that you’re different and decide that’s a strength. Stop waiting for others to validate it and just go do what you need to do.

2. Reflect on Where You’ve Hidden

Ask yourself: what parts of me have I judged, rejected, or hidden to be accepted? Write them down. You’ll find your gift in there once you bring them out of the shadows.

3. Reclaim the Shadow

Use the Awareness–Acceptance–Action framework that I use with my coaching clients:

• Awareness: Spot the patterns and internalised judgement.
  
• Acceptance: Feel the underlying emotions (shame, fear, etc.) without resistance.
  
• Action: Take one bold move to express your weirdness consciously and in a real way.

4. Tame the Neurotic Mind

If your weirdness comes with chaos, anxiety, or control issues – you need to work on mastering your mind (a good starting point is the Thought Log tool that you can download for free on this website).

Breathwork, journaling, daily habits, and developing a strong relationship with your body will help shift you out of ego loops and into flow too. This is because they all serve to regulate your nervous system (and a dysregulated nervous system is often the source of our neurotic thoughts because we see ‘threats’ everywhere).

5. Turn Up the Volume

If your weirdness is real, amplify it with purpose:

Use it to create, connect, contribute by creating a real vision for yourself, breaking it down into goals, and then cultivating daily habits to support your growth.

6. Find Your Weirdos

Real connection is built around shared value so go (or create a space) where people gather around something real – not where they cling to social games for the sake of hiding from themselves.

People Think I’m Weird: Own It or Regret It

You don’t need to stop being weird – you just need to stop being unreal and your so-called weirdness might be the most honest thing about you.

Never trade truth for approval and refuse to kill your gift to get invited to a table where everyone’s pretending anyway.

Choose the real table.

Set it yourself if you have to.

The right people will show up.

Because, in the end, what the world calls weird is often just the beginning of something real.

Stay real out there,

P.S. If you’re interested in coaching and you want to work on owning your weirdness and growing real, then book a free call with me and I’ll help you start taking real action.

Feel Like You’re Wasting Your Life? You Probably Are Then

If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking about how you’re wasting your life and the time keeps passing you by then you’re not alone and you’re (probably) not crazy.

Though this “I’m wasting my life” feeling might keep haunting you and driving you mad – especially if you’re not taking real ACTION to do something about it – it’s actually good news that you’re experiencing it because it’s a sign that things are changing for you and this makes it some of the most and helpful self-feedback you’ve had in years.

In other words, it’s a sign that the choices you’ve made so far in life have led you to a place that you no longer want to be.

Here’s an uncomfortable truth that can eventually change your life for the best:

If you feel like you’re wasting your life… you probably are because nobody who’s living their REAL life would ever feel this way or think any of the associated thoughts that the feeling engenders.

Not because you’re lazy or broken or missed some imaginary deadline but because there’s a deeper part of you – your realness – that knows you’re not living in alignment with who you are and what you’re really capable of (your true potential).

When you feel and start thinking along the lines of “I’m wasting my life”, it means that your realness is trying to wake you up and help you to course correct so you can start walking on a real path instead of an unreal one.

This isn’t some passing thought to brush off – this is your soul throwing a brick through the window because you stopped listening to the whispers it was throwing your way in an attempt to bring you back home to yourself and – if you finally start paying attention to it instead of numbing yourself and doing the same old things that got you where you don’t wanna be – you might just change everything.

Let’s dig a little deeper:

“I’m Wasting My Life”: Why You Feel Like This

There are usually two common reasons people end up in this place:

The first is that they’ve had real challenges in life – shame, guilt, trauma, failure, betrayal, burnout – and as a result, they’ve picked up excuses and limiting beliefs just to cope. Over time, these beliefs form an identity (ego) that says, “It’s too late” or “This is just the way I am” or “This is just the way it is” and so you stop growing because you think you can’t (not because it’s actually true – human beings are wired for continuous growth into wholeness over the course of their lifetimes).

The second reason is a bit more subtle but leads to the same place:

You’ve experienced a degree of success in your life – maybe even a lot – but it’s locked you into the comfort zone and so you’ve taken yourself out of the natural flow of life and any sense of personal (r)evolution.

In this state, you’re not truly fulfilled, but you’re comfortable enough that change feels risky (even though, again, change is the natural state of our lives) – you tell yourself you should be grateful, you convince yourself it’s selfish to want more, but something in you knows the truth: you’re just coasting and going through the motions (and, deep down, you hate it which is why you keep feeling like “I’m wasting my life”).

In both cases, what’s actually happening is the same:

You’ve disconnected from your realness – that internal compass that always points toward meaning and wholeness.

You’ve started living through an identity that’s no longer serving you.

And that inner tension – the feeling of wasted time, wasted energy, and wasted self – is the pressure building up as your realness fights to come back online so you can make the most of your life instead of “wasting” it.

Realness as Feedback

The feeling of wasting your life isn’t random or irrational and it definitely shouldn’t be ignored and swept under the carpet:

It’s feedback.

In other words, the mind-body system is working exactly as it should and your body, your emotions, your deeper mind, and very being are all screaming for your attention in unison:

“This isn’t it. Make some changes.”

And what’s not “it” is the version of you that’s trying to live without risk – the version that’s afraid to stretch; the version that’s stuck in outdated beliefs, emotional wounds, or just plain old-fashioned inertia.

Like we already said:

Human beings are wired to grow. We’re not meant to stay still (though, of course, we sometimes need stillness to recalibrate and regulate our nervous systems).

We’re built for endless evolution (because, as long as we’re alive, we’ll be a work in progress) – for stretching, reaching, diving deeper into wholeness.

Whenever this natural process process is blocked, whether by F.E.A.R (“False Evidence Appearing Real”), comfort, shame, or self-deception, you don’t just feel bored – you feel empty because you end up living your life in the Void instead of reality (which really is a waste of life, if you ask me).

This is why the solution is always the same – no matter how you ended up feeling like you’re wasting your life:

You’ve got to start moving again.

Not chaotically. Not in a desperate scramble to ‘fix’ your life but intentionally – in alignment with the truth that’s been trying to break through to you all along.

The Clock Is Ticking

Let’s not tiptoe around it: you’re going to die (don’t feel too bad – so am I):

So is everyone. And we know this – sort of…but most people keep this awareness buried deep in the unconscious because it’s too uncomfortable to face and makes life too difficult in the short-term if we’ve been making unreal choices and don’t want to face it.

We drown this out with distractions, busyness, and overthinking but, at some level, we all know: this is it. We only get one shot at this lifetime.

And this is exactly why the feeling of wasting your life is so powerful:

Because beneath all the ego stories and societal expectations is a simple, timeless truth:

Your life matters. It’s too precious to be wasted. We’re all limited edition (because, like we just said, death is inevitable).

It’s supposed to mean something and when it doesn’t – when you’re not living in a way that expresses the truth of who you are – your body and mind start a revolution against you to try and make you wake up.

You get depressed. You get anxious. You get restless. You feel dead inside.

This is not a malfunction, though – it’s a message.

Start Wasting Your Life by Breaking Your Old Identity

So we’ve explored how we end up feeling like our lives are being wasted and what it means but how do you change it?

Well the answer is pretty simple but not always ‘easy’ to execute (which is why coaches like me exist – to keep you on track):

You have to let go of the identity that brought you here.

You have to confront the ego that built its castle on fear and control; you have to face the shadow self – those parts of yourself you’ve hidden away because they didn’t feel safe, convenient, or ‘acceptable’ according to somebody else’s definition of ‘normal’.

Believe it or not, most people who feel like they’re wasting their lives already know what they want – at least to some basic extent:

They have intuitive nudges, creative ideas, longings, values, and even visions that often show up subtly, in dreams, passing thoughts, or pangs of jealousy when they see someone else living authentically.

Unfortunately, every time they try to bring them into the light, the ego steps in to protect the status quo and so they never act on these things and so that “I’m wasting my life” feeling just keeps haunting them.

The ego keeps our realness at bay by whispering illusions that cause fear, doubt, and hesitation:

• “It’s too risky”
• “What if you fail?”
• “What will people think?”

And so the cycle continues and nothing ever changes:

Familiar patterns get lived out – days, months, years pass and that low-level ache – the one you try to numb – keeps becoming more painful until, eventually, it turns into a crisis.

But it doesn’t have to – you just need to stop wasting your life.

“I’m Wasting My Life” Means It’s Time To Make Changes and Real Change Requires Real Risk

Here’s a paradox:

Living your real life – your actual, truth-aligned life – isn’t about being heroic and taking control of everything…it’s about being humble. It means accepting that your ego doesn’t have all the answers and that growth comes from stepping into the unknown.

Risk is built into realness because dealing with reality always involves uncertainty (which always brings some degree of risk):

This means that to start living your real life and get over that “I’m wasting my life” feeling, then you’ll feel exposed and uncertain.

But you’ll also feel alive as soon as you start taking steps away from the old and towards the REAL because you’ll but realigning yourself with nature and your natural desire to flow with life and to build momentum (instead of being stuck in stasis because of the ego’s illusions).

The bottom line is that as long as you’re in the process of stretching towards something that matters to you, you will not feel like you’re wasting your life. You’ll feel engaged and lit up. Flowing, even.

Even if you’re tired and even if it’s hard.

Human beings are designed to thrive in the stretch zone – that sacred space between the comfort zone (where you feel bored and fed up) and the panic zone (where you’ve gone too far and feel terrified).

That’s where you grow and where you remember what you’re made of.

“I’m Wasting My Life”: You Already Know What to Do

Let’s be honest – there’s probably something you already know you need to do:

A step you’ve been avoiding; a decision you’ve been dancing around; something real ‘thing’ that keeps bubbling up from your shadow that your conscious mind keeps batting away for the sake of safety and familiarity.

You don’t need to know how it all ends (because that’s impossible anyway – you can have a loose idea of what things might look like at the very best but reality will always be slightly different) – you just need to start by taking the next obvious step and then waiting for the next one to appear after you’ve taken it.

Even if it’s one small act of courage, one honest conversation, one hour a day devoted to something real, one whatever – just get it done.

Because the fact is that, the longer you wait, the heavier it gets and nobody is coming to save you. No one else can take the risk for you.

You have to decide: will you keep reliving the old story, or will you start writing a new one?

That decision is the only thing standing between wasting your life and actually LIVING it.

“I’m Wasting My Life”: Practical Steps to Get Moving Again

Here’s a simple framework to help you shift from “I’m wasting my life” to “I’m living with purpose”:

1. Start Facing The TRUTH About Yourself, The World, and Reality:
   
   Write down exactly what you’re avoiding in life that’s keeping you stuck and constantly feeling like you’re wasting your precious time. No filters. No edits.
   
   A prompt that can get you started is: “If I were being radically honest, I’d admit that…” (write in a “stream of consciousness” type way and see where it takes you).
   
2. Create a Real Vision
   
   Imagine your life without fear: What would you do? Who would you let yourself become?
   
   A good prompt here: “If nothing were off-limits, my life would look like…”
   
   Create a vision for yourself that’s real instead of one that’s limited by all the assumptions of ego that have led to where you feel like time is being wasted.
   
3. Set Stretch Goals
   
   Choose 1–3 goals related to your vision that scare you a little but excite you a lot.
   
   These are your stretch goals – big enough to grow you, not so big they paralyse you.
   
   Commit to them and get them DONE. This will give you evidence that the real you is rising and that you’re not “wasting” your life anymore.
   
4. Build Daily Habits
   
   Anchor your vision and goals in daily actions that will help you to grow real day-by-day – small, consistent steps will carry you further than occasional bursts of inspiration.
   
   Ask yourself “What can I do today to prove I’m serious?” and then go do it. Daily until you’re where you want to be (or beyond).
   
5. Get Accountability and Support to Speed Up Your Progress
   
   Don’t try to do it all alone (no man is an island, after all) – whether it’s a coach like me, a friend, or a group, let someone witness your commitment and to help you keep stretching yourself. Iron sharpens iron, after all.

Wasting Your Life: The Final Word

You don’t need to blow up your whole life overnight but you do need to stop pretending you have unlimited time and to acknowledge that you can only keep “wasting” your life if that’s what you CHOOSE to do at some level.

It doesn’t have to be this way:

You get one precious shot at this lifetime and if you feel like you’re wasting it, then something in you is ready for more. Based on everything we’ve said, the odds are that ‘more’ means something REAL.

So don’t ignore that ache – don’t dismiss the whispers or wait for for permission (that’s never coming) to live your REAL life.

Feel it, accept it as the feedback it is, and then act on it because as soon as you start moving towards something real…you stop wasting your life.

You can do that RIGHT NOW.

Stay real out there,

P.S. If you’re interested in coaching and you’re ready to stop wasting your life and grow real then book a free coaching call with me now and I’ll help you start taking the steps that matter to you (it’s an actual coaching call, not a sales call – I will just give you an experience of my coaching, no strings attached, and help you the best I can).