by Oli Anderson, Transformational Coach for Realness
The Flow-O-Meter is a Simple Tool For Increasing Your Flow in Life By Growing REAL
If you take a good look at your life, you’ll probably see that everything you really want comes down to one basic kind of feeling or type of energy:
Not money, not status, not even ‘success‘ (though all of these things can be ‘good’ things as long as we don’t treat them as the ‘ultimate’ thing in our lives) – no, what you actually want is to feel truly alive by developing a sense of FLOW.
What ‘flow’ means in this context is that you want to feel that life is moving in a real direction, that you’re getting results, that your actions matter, and that you’re growing, stretching, and becoming more of yourself in your realness.
It also means that you want to make progress that feels more natural than forced and that the effort you put into attaining this feels meaningful instead of exhausting – in other words, you want to feel like you’re moving with life, not constantly fighting against it.
This is where the FLOW-O-METER comes in.
The Flow-o-meter is a simple but powerful tool that helps you see where you currently are on the spectrum between flow and force, between realness and unreality:
This is important because once you have awareness about where you stand, you can start take practical steps to go a little deeper into flow and start getting real results.
It all boils down to a simple truth about life:
Real works and unreal doesn’t.
The Flow-o-meter helps you see the difference in your own life.
Let’s dig a little deeper:
The Flow-O-Meter: What We’ll Cover in this Article
- The Flow-O-Meter is a Simple Tool For Increasing Your Flow in Life By Growing REAL
- Why Flow Matters So Much
- Flow vs Fragmentation
- The Flow-O-Meter Levels
- Why Knowing Your Flow-O-Meter Score Matters
- How to Move Up the Flow-O-Meter in a Real Way
- The 3 Biggest Mistakes People Make When Using the Flow-o-meter
- Using the Flow-O-Meter and Keeping it REAL
- Practical Ways to Increase Your Flow-O-Meter Score
- The Flow-O-Meter & Your Next Steps
Why Flow Matters So Much
One thing we’re all looking for is a sense of flow in life and this is something that we can make happen when:
- You’re moving in a direction that actually matters to you.
- You’re challenging yourself in a healthy way.
- You’re in the Stretch Zone, not stuck in either comfort or panic.
- Action feels natural and real instead of forced.
- Growth feels real and based in presence rather than performance.
- Results come through alignment and energy rather than exhaustion.
In flow, you still work hard and have to put in effort (until it becomes effortless) but the work feels meaningful because you know it’s aligned with your real values and who you want to become.
It won’t solve all of your problems and give you total control over life and so you’ll still face uncertainty but instead of letting this uncertainty shake you from yourself, you’ll trust yourself to handle it and grow through it.
You’ll still hit obstacles too but they become growth points instead of proof that life is working against you.
In short, flow is a participation in life – not just a survival of life – and the Flow-o-meter simply measures how much flow you’re currently allowing yourself.
(Of course, there’ll be times when something goes ‘wrong’ and knocks you out of flow but as long as you know how flow works and how to stay real you’ll be able to bounce back).
Flow vs Fragmentation
At its core, the Flow-o-meter shows whether you’re living from a stance of wholeness or fragmentation.
We can break this down life this:
Fragmentation (Lower Flow-O-Meter States)
Fragmentation usually begins with an inner split that sends us into the Void:
This happens because at some point in our lives we end up fragmenting ourselves because of underlying shame, guilt, and/or trauma, rejection, or fear and so we (unconsciously) create an ego identity designed to protect us.
This ego builds a self-image of who we think we must be to stay safe, loved, or accepted but this always comes at a cost because the ‘parts’ of ourselves that don’t fit the image get pushed away into the Shadow Self.
This means that all kinds of real feelings, needs, creativity, vulnerability, and truth get sent into exile.
This can make life really exhausting because:
- Our nervous system becomes dysregulated: We live in fight-or-flight mode, constantly scanning for threats – internally and externally.
- We try to control everything: We force outcomes to protect our ego image instead of facing the parts of ourselves we’ve rejected and becoming whole again.
Life feels heavy because we’re fighting reality which is what places on the lower end of the Flow-o-meter.
Wholeness (Higher Flow-O-Meter States)
At higher levels of flow, something shifts and so instead of defending and identifying as ego, we begin to grow through it.
This basically means that we integrate the shadow, accept more of ourselves, give up resistance, and increase trust in both ourselves and life itself.
As this happens:
- The nervous system becomes more regulated.
- We let go of what we can’t control.
- Action becomes more real (instead of being an extension of the ego).
- Effort becomes strategic rather than desperate.
- Trust replaces constant anxiety.
The short version of all this is that flow appears because we stop fighting life.
The Flow-O-Meter Levels
Try to be honest with yourself as you read about the different levels on the Flow-o-meter and don’t ‘judge’ yourself as there’s no shame in being at any of these levels (we all fluctuate through the different levels based on what’s happening in our lives etc.).
Here’s how the Flow-o-meter works in practice:
Flow-O-Meter 1–3: Forcing / Survival Mode
At these earlier levels, life feels like constant effort – almost as though we’re fighting against life in some way.
Signs include:
- High resistance to our own emotions and friction everywhere around us.
- Overthinking and control freakery.
- Low trust and F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real).
- Emotional exhaustion and burnout.
- Nervous system dysregulation
- Feeling stuck or heavy and weighed down all the time.
- No real or sustainable results in alignment with whatever vision and goals you have.
In short: Life feels like pushing a boulder uphill and you’re trying to control everything because you don’t feel safe enough to let go.
Flow-O-Meter: 4–6: Mixed State
This is where the average person tends to live as they find themselves in the constant tug-of-war of resisting life and accepting it:
In this stage, some things work, some don’t, and you’re not sure why.
You experience:
- Moments of flow mixed with doubt and fear.
- Partial alignment with your values but not really a meaningful expression of them.
- Still forcing outcomes sometimes and taking action when you don’t really need to (because being busy is part of your identity and/or a kind of distraction).
- Self-worth tied too strongly to results (because of underlying shame).
- Trust in yourself and life that comes and goes instead of being your default.
In short: progress happens but it feels unstable and so you have one good week, one bad week, as flow shows up from time-to-time… then disappears.
Flow-O-Meter 7–8: Mostly Flowing
Here life begins to move more naturally and you develop a real rhythm because your actions align with real values and goals as you actively BUILD FLOW.
Signs that you’re at this level include:
- A sense of trust in yourself and life is present most of the time.
- Momentum and synchronicity appear in your life regularly.
- Action feels aligned with your realness rather than something that’s being forced through ego.
- You experience less emotional resistance or emotional turmoil because you’re no longer blocking your emotions.
- Less inner conflict as you overcome that inner split and integrate the shadow self.
- Your nervous system feels more regulated overall.
In short: Things start working with less effort and you’re still growing and stretching without constantly fighting yourself.
Flow-O-Meter 9–10: Deep Flow
This is where life really starts to feel responsive and aligned. It’s not perfect (because it never is) but you can handle whatever comes your way and trust life to take you where you need to be.
Characteristics at this level include:
- High trust in yourself and life so that you’re rarely shaken from yourself (even when “shit happens”).
- Action feels obvious and natural and the next steps always reveal themselves as long as you stay open to them.
- Opportunities emerge organically as you allow one action to build on top of another and you remain open to life instead of closing yourself to it (behind ego).
- There’s minimal resistance or inner conflict because you ACCEPT yourself and life unconditionally.
- You can move through uncertainty with a sense of grounding and calmness because your nervous system is regulated.
In short: When things don’t work out, you don’t collapse and stop moving – instead, ou adjust, trust, and move forward and so your effort becomes effortless flow.
Why Knowing Your Flow-O-Meter Score Matters
Awareness is always important because you simply can’t change what you don’t even see.
Knowing where you are on the Flow-o-meter helps you to see:
- Whether you need change or consistency based on whether things are not flowing for you (then change it) or if they’re going well (keep doing what you’re doing).
- Whether ego or truth is driving your choices (based on how many blocks to flow you’re experiencing overall – of course, sometimes things just happen that will disrupt flow like unexpected loss etc).
- Whether resistance or trust is shaping your results (abased on how much unnecessary friction you’re experiencing).
If your flow-o-meter score is low, you now know that some kind of real action is required.
If your flow-o-meter score is high, you know to keep doing what’s working.
How to Move Up the Flow-O-Meter in a Real Way
Moving up the scale isn’t about forcing positivity or pretending that everything’s fine when it isn’t – it’s about embracing the REALITY of wherever you are so that you can work with whatever is on your plate.
It happens through three stages:
Awareness, Acceptance, & Action.
(These are the stages I use when I’m working with people in coaching containers).
Step 1: Awareness (Deconstruct the Ego)
Start by looking at how your ego and its self-image are holding you back from flow:
- What self-image am I trying to protect?
- Where am I pretending?
- What am I afraid people will see?
- Where am I forcing outcomes?
Your ego will ask you to filter life and block flow behind unreal beliefs:
“I must look successful at all times”.
“I must be liked by everybody always”.
“I must never fail”.
You realness will ask you to hold onto beliefs that work in alignment with the flow of reality towards wholeness:
“You grow by being real”.
“You can learn from any situation that unfolds and keep moving forward”.
“What’s real is always real”.
Awareness breaks fragmentation by allowing you to notice where ego is driving your life.
Step 2: Acceptance (Integrate the Shadow)
Behind ego await all of the real ‘parts’ of you that got sent into exile because of shame, guilt, and/or trauma.
These parts can be literally anything – ‘good’ or ‘bad’ but always very REAL:
- Vulnerability
- Fear
- Desire
- Anger
- Creativity
- Sensitivity
- Truth
- Etc. etc. etc.
The more you reject these parts of yourself and try to avoid them, the more resistance you create, and the less flow you’ll experience in your life.
When shadow is integrated:
- Emotional resistance decreases
- Energy returns
- Flow increases naturally
Acceptance just means that you stop fighting yourself.
Step 3: Action (Trust Self and Life)
Flow requires movement and things have to be flowing towards something which means that you need a real VISION for your life so you can take real action.
Real action means:
- Doing your best with what you control and then forgetting about the rest.
- Letting go of what you don’t need to worry about or concern yourself with so you know when NOT to act.
- Taking steps aligned with truth instead of that frickin’ ego.
- Allowing uncertainty without panic because you know the next step will reveal itself eventually.
“Do your best and let go of the rest” because flow appears when you stop trying to control everything.
The 3 Biggest Mistakes People Make When Using the Flow-o-meter
The Flow-o-meter is simple and that’s exactly why it can be misused if we’re not careful.
It works works beautifully when used in a real and practical way but it can become just another way to judge yourself or avoid real growth if we let the ego sneak in.
Here are the three biggest mistakes people make with it and how to avoid them:
Mistake 1: Using the Flow-o-meter to Judge Yourself Instead of to Guide Yourself
Some people read the scale, realise they’re at a 3 or 4, and immediately think something like “I’m failing”,
“I should be further ahead”, or “What’s wrong with me?”
This reaction actually pushes them further down the scale, because shame creates more fragmentation and resistance.
The Flow-o-meter is not a moral ranking system – it’s just a simple diagnostic tool so that you can ACCEPT where you find yourself (acceptance is the opposite of judgement) and then build from where you actually stand.
A low score doesn’t mean you’re ‘broken’ or that there’s something ‘wrong with you fundamentally – it simply means:
- You’re probably tired.
- You’re disconnected from something real because of how you identify.
- You’re holding too tightly somewhere because of emotional resistance.
- Life is asking for adjustment.
A mechanic doesn’t judge a car for needing fuel – they just fill the tank; likewise, the Flow-o-meter simply tells you what needs attention.
Mistake 2: Trying to Jump to Deep Flow Instead of Moving One Step Up
Another common error is wanting instant transformation and massive results without putting the work in…this is just ego though as reality doesn’t work like that because reality is a PROCESS.
An example of this is somebody reading about Deep Flow (9–10) and deciding that “Right, from tomorrow I’m trusting life, letting go, everything will flow and I’ll never have any problems again”.
This won’t work because unresolved fear, shame, and nervous system stress don’t disappear overnight and so attempting to leap from survival mode to deep trust usually leads to disappointment (which just blocks flow in the long-run).
Flow grows gradually in increments and so the deeper you go, the deeper you go.
A person at level 3 doesn’t need ‘enlightenment’ or some other sweeping thing – they need:
- Better sleep
- Real conversations
- Less nervous system overload
- One real action per day
- Slightly less attempts at controlling things that can’t be controlled
Flow builds like a muscle – i.e. through consistent stretching, not one massive heroic effort that’s supposed to ‘fix’ everything.
Small increases in realness create lasting momentum.
Mistake 3: Using the Flow-o-meter Mentally Instead of Practically
The biggest trap is turning the tool into intellectual analysis which is what happens when people think about flow, analyse flow, read about flow… but don’t change anything in real life and actually flow.
They might correctly identify “I’m forcing things”, “I’m resisting reality”, or “I’m in ego” but then continue behaving exactly the same way.
This won’t get them anywhere because flow doesn’t increase through insight alone – it increases through action.
In short, flow is practical, not theoretical.
Using the Flow-O-Meter and Keeping it REAL
The Flow-o-meter isn’t about becoming perfect – it’s just about becoming more REAL and actually SHOWING UP in your own life.
It’s totally normal to drop down the scale sometimes as life moves in cycles (though over time you’ll consistently get higher scores if you keep building flow and staying real).
The goal isn’t permanent Deep Flow but to learn to notice when you’ve drifted into force so that you can gently guide yourself back toward flow again.
If you’re ready to go deeper into building flow then check out Trust: A Manual in Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace.
Practical Ways to Increase Your Flow-O-Meter Score
Here are some very real daily practices that move you into a deeper flow overall:
1. Do One Real Thing Daily
Ask yourself something like:
“What would the real version of me do today?”
Then go do whatever it is.
Real action done daily builds flow over time.
2. Regulate Your Nervous System
Flow is impossible if you’re stuck in constant survival mode and seeing ‘threats’ everywhere so learn to support your system with:
- Breathwork
- Slow movement or yoga (yin yoga is a godsend for nervous system regulation)
- Walking outdoors
- Proper sleep
- Exercise in general
- Reduced overstimulation so your reward system doesn’t get hijacked
A regulated nervous system makes trust possible and when you trust you can flow.
3. Reduce Unreal Commitments
Many obligations come from ego and always know:
“Am I doing this because it’s real or because I want some kind of external validation?”
Drop one unreal commitment this month so you free up time to flow.
Flow is about saying “Yes” to what’s real and “No” to what’s unreal consistently over time.
4. Follow Energy, Not Fear
Notice what gives energy versus what drains it because flow grows where energy flows.
Make sure you give you attention to what you actually want to see grow in your life:
This article will help you go deeper into this: What You Focus on Grows
The Flow-O-Meter & Your Next Steps
Right now, ask yourself honestly:
“Where am I on the Flow-o-meter today?“
1–3?
4–6?
7–8?
9–10?
There’s no shame in your answer – only clarity because once you know where you are, you know what to do next:
Become a little more AWARE.
ACCEPT a little more truth.
Take a little more real ACTION.
(Awareness, Acceptance, and Action – it works every time!).
Flow isn’t something you chase – it’s just what happens when you stop resisting life and start living it.
Stay real out there,
P.S. If you’re ready to build some flow in your life then book a free coaching session with me and I’ll help you start taking real action.
Trust: A Manual for Becoming the Void, Building Flow, and Finding Peace is a book about learning to return to your realness by cultivating trust in yourself and trust in life.
It contains practical exercises and dedicated meditations (Transformational Bridges) to take you DEEP in knowing yourself and life.
This book will answer many of the questions you have growing REAL and flowing towards wholeness. It covers everything from shame to addiction to the unconscious mind and synchronicity (and way more).
Personal Revolutions: A Short Course in Realness is a book designed to help you look at your life from the inside-out so that you can stop holding yourself back and go get what you really want.
It contains 166 practical ‘Revolutions’ for awareness and over 8,000 Self-Guidance Questions for you to uncover new insight about yourself, the world, and reality that you can translate into action and start building your real life on the realest possible foundation.
Shadow Life is an exploration of the human shadow and the hidden side of our personalities. It looks at the masks we wear, where these masks come from, and how we can take them off.
The book explores how we can better manage our relationships with shame, guilt, and trauma in order to remove the Mask that the world has asked us to wear (and that we forgot we were wearing) so we can live an authentic life with less drama, chaos, or BS whilst we’re still around.
The Flow Builder Journal has everything you need to make the next 21-weeks of your life a turning point.
It has monthly, weekly, and daily (morning and evening) check-ins, tools and reflections to keep you in the zone and keep you flowing with zest and momentum.
If you want to get unstuck and grow REAL then check it out.
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